The Importance of Saying No
by Kelly Chiang
Imagine this scenario: you’re in a coffee shop and you suddenly feel a tap on your shoulder. You’re greeted with a smile from your childhood friend and they’re bombarding you with questions about your life after high school. They ask if you are free on Thursday evening for a dinner to catch up. Almost immediately, you say yes—but you realize that’s the day before your job interview that you have dreamed of. Do you agree to the dinner or politely reject it?
It can be incredibly easy to be stuck in the habit of saying yes—after all, it deems you as being respectable and likeable. For people pleasers, especially, it is almost ingrained into them to agree on any task that is asked of them. Saying yes ensures that they are included in a project and being helpful, all while maintaining a reliable image. However, there are many downsides that come with going the extra mile to assist others, like facing neverending stress and mental exhaustion. That’s why saying no is a form of empowerment.
Saying no to others results in endless benefits for your psychological well-being. It can get rid of unnecessary stress that you didn’t even realize was creeping up on you. You no longer have to worry about carrying out the various tasks that you agreed upon, and there is no need to set aside time to plan. Inevitably, the big question of HOW arises. How do you get started in saying no? This drastic transition can be difficult to adapt and adjust to, but taking the first step is crucial.
A simple yet effective method is to make a list of your priorities. Whether it’s recorded on a sheet of paper or on a phone, it is important that this list is accessible at all times. If someone approaches you to ask a favor, you can refer back to your list of priorities and ask yourself if there are other tasks that place higher in your priorities. If you cannot afford to help them out or you simply do not want to, do not be afraid to speak your mind and say no. In doing so, you are setting boundaries with the other party. This allows others to build more respect for you because you are demonstrating assertiveness. The power of saying no should not be underestimated because it can ultimately be the solution to fighting the need for acceptance.