Leadership Regrets: Moving On With Self-Compassion
by Andrew Downing
Image Credit: PsyPost.org
Regrets are an essential part of becoming a better, more courageous person. They help us grow through anguish, but the stronger the regret and the harsher the associated feelings, the more likely it is that you'll learn from the experience. Sadly, many of us never dissect our feelings to figure out what they mean, so we never make the leap to become a better person. But as leaders, we must analyze our regrets and use them for self-improvement.
I'm not talking about anguish related to dropping out of school or not practicing the piano. You can fix those. I'm talking about morality-based regrets requiring courage. The best leaders are courageous because doing the right thing is difficult. For example, two of my biggest regrets are not saying something, in high school, when I witnessed someone being bullied and, last year, when I passively watched my supervisor acting inappropriately, eventually resulting in a sexual harassment complaint and his resignation.
But let's not beat ourselves up for not being perfect leaders. We're only human. We're allowed to make mistakes. It's the future that matters. Regrets are valuable lessons, catalysts for the hero in our own stories to change for the better. Our mirror moment is now - when we compare who we were to who we want to be and choose to change our ways. Our stories are not over until the hero's redemption.
You can stew in your regrets forever, or you can practice self-compassion and do better. Self-compassion is what's most likely to help you learn from your mistakes. When you accept that you're human and not perfect, you'll forgive yourself. Failure is not a shortcoming, and that realization is what allows you to mindfully confront your regrets and process them emotionally, providing a learning experience.
So stop trying to live your life with no regrets, and focus on practicing self-compassion. Confront your mistakes head-on and figure out what you can do better in the future. Remember, the feelings surrounding regrets come from a battle within yourself, between the person you were and the person you aspire to be. So dive in, forgive yourself, and make sure the right person wins.